A Senior Moment

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 100 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal evenmore.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him,
blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 120 mph, then 130, then 140. Suddenly he thought,
"What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at
his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 20 minutes. Today is
Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard
before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with
a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.

The White Man Did It Again

Indian Chief, "Two Eagles," was asked by a white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.

"When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes, No debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough think he improve system like that."

What Are Friends For

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."


She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch

Do you know what I think

Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom, getting aggravated, replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

A Place For Women To Find Husbands

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sometimes we run across a story that just says something
Husband Superstore

Husband Superstore

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

Two Blond Girls

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick..."