AND THEY ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE
Subject: THE SMART ONES OF 2006
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a
rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman
called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at
the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
< ! /DIV>
I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on
the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the
paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America
, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this
bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the
Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After w
aiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK"
and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was
waiting in line back at Bank of America .
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and
a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
imme diately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
__________________________________________________________ __________
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the
cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it
in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't
believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave
the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a
liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are
allowed to vote)
*******************************************************************************************************************
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably
Weyauwega , Wisconsin ) We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by
cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore."
>From Kingma n , KS
______________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate
when an airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?"
I replied, "If it w as without my knowledge, how
would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we
ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe
to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red.
Appalled, she responded , "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old an d dear
coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager
commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not
another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office
no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in
it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announc ed to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton ,
Mississippi !
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ...!!!
Related Tags:
Jokes,
humor,
funny,
funny humor,
joking
