Little Johnny

Little Johnny

the school teacher was giving some of the young students an oral test,
First she ask the little boy in the front of the room, who signed the declaration of independence? He said I don't know teacher.
Then she asks the little girl in the middle of the class room, who signed the declaration of independence? The little girl said I don't know teacher.
Now it was little Johnny’s turn, who signed the declaration of independence? Little Johnny stood up stuck his thumbs in his belt and said I don't know and I don't give a damn.

The teacher said I am so disappointed; I will ask you again after recess.

After recess the teacher ask them again,
She asks the little boy in the front of the room, who signed the declaration of independence? The little boy said I don't know teacher.
She asks the little girl in the middle of the class room, who signed the declaration of independence? The little girl said I don't know teacher.
Then she ask little Johnny, who signed the declaration of independence? Little Johnny stood up stuck his thumbs in his belt and said I don't know and I don't give a damn.

The teacher looked at little Johnny and said I am surprised at your attitude, I want you to bring your father to class tomorrow.

The next day the teacher cam into class and there was little Johnny’s father sitting in the back of the class room.

She asks the little boy in the front of the room, who signed the declaration of independence? The little boy said I don't know teacher.
She asks the little girl in the middle of the class room, who signed the declaration of independence? The little girl said I don't know teacher.
Then she ask little Johnny, who signed the declaration of independence? Little Johnny stood up stuck his thumbs in his belt and said I don't know and I don't give a damn.

Little Johnny’s father stood up, walked over to where little Johnny was sitting, put his thumbs in his belt and said Johnny! Son If you signed that damn thing you better tell her right now...Lol

We Just Can't Read Your Mind

We always hear "the rules" from the female side of the house. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!



· Men are NOT mind readers.

· Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

· Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

· Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

· Crying is blackmail.

· Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

· Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

· Come to us with a problem only IF you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

· A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

· Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

· If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

· If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

· You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

· Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

· Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

· ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

· If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

· If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

· If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

· When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

· Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

· You have enough clothes.

· You have too many shoes.

· I am in shape. Round IS a shape!



Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Leroy the wrestler

Leroy the wrestler

One night, Leroy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Leroy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Leroy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Leroys's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Leroy was 50 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Leroy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 50 cents. Your kidding? Leroy replied, I thought you were after the three hundred dollars I've got my shoe!

Another Blind Man Joke

You have to love these kinda jokes.

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

The Blind Man

A group of Nuns decide to paint the dormitory
The heat begin to be unbearable as they started to paint

One of the Nuns suggested that being they were all alone
that they should strip down to nothing so they would be cooler
the others agreed.
as they were painting the dormitory, the door bell rang, one of the Nuns
went to the door and ask, who is it? a male voice answered
The blind man.
They all looked at each other and said well! The blind man
Wouldn’t know if we had clothes on or not.
So they let him in, when he entered the room he ask...
Where do you want me to hang these blinds ladies...lol

Please Feel free to post a joke or somthing of humor, please keep it clean

True Story about Leroy

Leroy was a country boy, In fact we all were, anyway we
were all standing around one day, and an old man named Mr.
Meriwether walked by, Mr. Meriwether was very old and had
very poor sight, He was always walking down the road reading
something, problem was he held the book about 6 inches in
front of his face.

Now here is Mr. Meriwether here are 4-5 young boys looking
for something to do (trouble),
How it happened I am not sure but there was a dare put to
Leroy, and It went like this,
Leroy go over and grab Mr. Meriwether by the pant leg and
growl like a dog.

Not one us expected what happened next to happen,
Leroy was over and had Mr. Meriwether pant
cuffs in his mouth and Growling shaking and pulling, just
like a dog, all of us were laughing until Mr. Meriwether
just kicked out and kicked Leroy in the head, then we were
all on the ground rolling with laughter.

Here we were rolling on the ground laughing, here was Leroy
lying on the ground holding his head, and Mr. Meriwether
continuing his walk. I will never forget it